I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
