I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
