so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
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