something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
