Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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