Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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