I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
