What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
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