She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
It's like God shit irony all over that family
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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