I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
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