i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
