I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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