You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
