I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
