im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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