I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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