You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
