you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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