So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
