We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Just pee around me
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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