saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
