I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
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