hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
She has the best kind of daddy issues
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
