It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
