I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Randomize