Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
