So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Boobs speak an international language.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
