I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
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