Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I wish you could order shots online.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
