i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Randomize
