I never want to see another naked old woman again.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Randomize
