We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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