you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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