i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
