I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
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