somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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