Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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