quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
I am spending my child support on dildos
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
