The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
