Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
