well I can't set my house on fire every night
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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