her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
