I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
