...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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