Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
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