Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
