I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
