dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
