I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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