weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
