Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
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He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
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This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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