My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
It's blow job season.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
