For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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