someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
