I only kidnapped one of them. chill
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
