My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
My breasts were aching with rage.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
