Have you finally orgasmed yet?
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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