On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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