I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
