I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
