Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
