FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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