i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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