some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
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