We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
