You made eat vitamins until I threw up
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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