I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
