You're so nebulous sometimes
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Randomize
