Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
