I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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