this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
