and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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