I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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