just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
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All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
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I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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