Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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